All people with dementia have a unique experience and unique needs. If your loved one is experiencing dementia, the most important thing for you to remember is to stay patient. This disease can make a person do very uncharacteristic things. Their reality can seem very warped to someone without the disease. It’s important for you to realize that this is their reality.
There are several aspects of the disease that most people with dementia will experience. Help prepare yourself for common behaviors you might see in your loved one by reading the list below.
Agitation
Agitation encompasses a long list of behaviors like physical and verbal aggression, irritability, and sleeplessness. Sometimes, you won’t be able to tell why your loved one is angry. All you can do is provide them with a safe environment and help them stay calm.
Speak in a soothing voice and avoid activities that will give a person with dementia a spike in energy (drinking caffeine or consuming large amounts of sugar). Allow the person to be as independent as they safely can and acknowledge their frustration.
Wandering
People with dementia wander for a variety of reasons. They could be looking for someone, they might be in search of bathroom, or they might not know where they are and be looking to leave.
You can help by redirecting them in a comforting way. If your loved one is trying to leave, redirect them by saying something like, “We are going to be eating lunch in 15 minutes. Please stay for that.” or “I was thinking about watching an episode of I Love Lucy. Will you watch with me?”.
You can also redirect wandering by offering the person with dementia a familiar activity that helps them feel needed. Folding washcloths, putting napkins on the dinner table, or sorting items by color might engage the person with dementia and prevent wandering.
Repeating
It is very common for people with dementia to repeat themselves. They may ask the same questions or tell the same stories. This can be very frustrating for a caregiver, but it is important that you don’t lose your patience or tell the person with dementia that they already asked.
Many people feel anxiety about upcoming events if they don’t know all the details. Avoid mentioning future plans until immediately before they begin. Also, you may find it helpful to put the answers to common questions in writing. A sign on the table that says, “Lunch is at 11:30.” will help relieve some anxiety for the person with dementia and prevent extra frustration for the caregiver.
Sundowning
Many people with dementia experience extra behaviors that happen as it gets dark outside. This is a common time for visitors to be leaving which can cause extra anxiety. Additionally, many people with dementia have a difficult time telling whether it is daytime or nighttime. The events of the day can leave your loved one feeling exhausted and extra agitated by sunset.
It is helpful to engage in quiet and calming behaviors after the final meal of the day. You may also find it beneficial to turn on all interior lights and shut all of the shades before the sun sets.
Paranoia
A person with dementia is very often confused about their surroundings. Imagine this scenario: you’re in an unfamiliar place, you don’t recognize anyone around you, and you can’t find your purse/jacket/wallet. How do you feel?
You likely are feeling scared. You might feel like someone is playing a trick on you by hiding your belongings. Things may even feel more sinister than a practical joke. It’s important for you to be a calming presence for your loved one – even if they don’t recognize you. Phrases like, “Your jacket is in the washing machine.” or “I’ll take care of you” are reassuring to the person with dementia because it makes them feel like someone is taking them seriously and is in control of the situation. You may also find it helpful to redirect them to another activity.
Disinterest in Food
We all lose some of our taste buds as we age. A person with dementia might not remember that they need to eat and drink. Certain medications can also make their mouth taste strangely, so they will have less interest in eating.
People with dementia may not be convinced that they should eat a large meal when they don’t feel hungry. You can help your loved one get their necessary energy by offering small, healthy snacks like fresh fruit and nuts several times during the day.
Incontinence and Changing in Hygiene
Personal hygiene is often an issue for people with dementia. They may not remember that they need to bathe, they may not know they haven’t used the toilet recently, and they may not realize that they haven’t changed their clothes recently.
You can help by providing gentle reminders (statements work better than questions) to use the toilet at least once every two hours. “ Ok, we’re going to eat soon. Let’s stop by the bathroom now.” People with dementia will also need reminders to change their clothing. If they are hesitant to accept help, lay a clean outfit on their bed. Then say, “There are clean clothes on your bed. Please change so I can wash this outfit.”
These behaviors are not uncommon, so don’t feel bad asking for help! Caring for a person with dementia can be frustrating. Stay patient and remember that your loved one is still there – even if it doesn’t always seem that way.
